Toxic childhood...... thoughts

There has been a fair bit in the papers again the last couple of weeks focusing on how miserable UK childrens lives are compared with other societies. Forceful consumerism, over-consumption and a venal media is blamed for this 'toxic' environment for children, but parents should shoulder a huge portion of blame too.

My children don't have much in the way of technological entertainment. We have FreeSat and they follow a few programmes on that and have plenty of video's and DVD's collected over the years, and I don't generally put a time limit on their viewing because I don't often have to.....they do it themselves. A film is all very well but not nearly so much fun as making mud pies and 'soups', or packing their bags for a day in the 'wild' (bottom of garden) or collecting and making habitats for insects... or building a den in the living room, or setting up a school or a shop or a band using my saucepans. I do limit what they see though, and soaps and reality shows are firmly off limits.

We couldn't afford a summer holiday again (we've never had a family holiday) but we went to the zoo; spent a lot of time in the village library taking part in their summer reading scheme; enjoyed walks across fields to the stream; picked blackberries and plums from the garden (and they helped neighbours pick their apples, hauling back baskets of them and helping me turn them into pies and jams and crumbles)

My children make happily do, the same as I do; and on this I wouldn't have it any other way even if we had pots of money!

How to help YOUR children avoid being a toxic harm statistic:

• Don't put money and things above time with them. Work to keep the roof over your head not a Sky subscription; designer clothing; electronic toys (for children or adults!) or expensive food from posh supermarkets. Be honest about that. Want to stay home with your children more than you want to go out to work or want stuff. And yes its normally mums - the person to stay home should ideally be the person the child calls for when ill, or runs to for comfort I think, so usually thats mum. For young children one or two dedicated constant presences concerned only with them and their siblings is important - mum, dad, grandparent, not someone paid to love them just for the day.
  

• Give them time and room to play. Don't fill their time with organised activities that only teach them that someone else will always entertain them. Its expensive anyway. You don't have to play with them all the time, you just need to be there. Start the ideas off sometimes and watch them grow....
  

• Provide blankets/quilts/bits of fabric/old scarves to make dens, costumes and just to snuggle under.
  

• Let them play in mud within reason. Draw the line at bringing it inside (and make that rule clear early on - trust me on this)

• If you have a local library make use of it. They often run special activities for children but even if not, a library offers access to ideas and stories to help their imagination soar. Yours too! If you don't know how to cook, or recognise trees, or answer questions like "why is the sky blue?" then seize the opportunity to learn.
  

• Don't let children watch soaps and daytime chat shows or reality shows. Don't watch them yourself with them in the room. Nothing normalises poor behaviour like them, and even little children take in more than you think. If you wouldn't argue and shout at and belittle your partner in front of them (and hopefully you wouldn't) then why let them see that on telly? For the same reason, teach children early on what adverts are really trying to do, ie, make you want that particular brand of 'stuff' when you probably don't need it or can get something as good more cheaply elsewhere. Teach them to be discerning and don't take what the telly says as good information.

• Cook for them and with them. Show them the process of how food comes out of the ground and what happens to get it on the plate. Let them help choose new vegetables and fruits when shopping and find out how to cook them. Engage them in simple, healthy food from small and you innoculate them against much of the desire for junk.
  

• Say no firmly and mean it, but say yes too sometimes when its something you could do but just would rather avoid making the effort. Their pleasure nearly always makes it worthwhile and you'll feel better too. I make nearly every cake and set up the pop-up shop when my tired body has said no but my heart and mind has said YES!

• A really big cardboard box. 'Nuff said.

That really isn't meant to read like I have all the answers and my children are perfect - that is very far from the truth - but I have lately found how inspiring and helpful some blogs can be......often stating tips and ideas of such simplicity you wonder how you didn't think of it yourself now its staring you in the face with obviousness..... and think that those suggestions could be a start for any parent worried about their children becoming 'toxified'. Just knowing that there are ordinary parents fighting back and enjoying it might help. And however careful we are to give our children a simple childhood they still have to mix with other children. Don't let your children perpetuate the 'toxic' lifestyle.

"Teaching a child not to step on a caterpillar is as valuable to the child as it is to the caterpillar."
~ Bradley Millar


"The only thing children learn when you give them more than they need is to how to take"
~ unknown